Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different than what it was before…
…you are slowly turning this central thing […] either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, with its fellow-creatures, and with itself…
Each of us at each moment is progressing to one state or the other.
I started to realize in college – in a 200 level philosophy class, actually – that I liked the person I was becoming. It wasn’t because I was having an enlightened moment brought on by my intense studies, it was because I was sitting at my desk, sipping a latte without sugar (like a real adult) and wearing a thong (without complaining about having a wedgie). True story.
It seems silly now, but, like C.S. Lewis so eloquently pointed out in one of my favorite books (above), Mere Christianity, each and every decision you make transforms a little part of you. It is up to you, however, if that decision is a wise one that makes you a person you are proud of, or a poor one, that makes you something you despise.
Believe it or not, at that point in my life, I had to decide to WORK to like “real” coffee, and I had to choose to WORK to get comfortable enough in that crazy underwear to have the lovely, panty-line free tush I desired.
I wanted those things because they were sophisticated, grown up and simple pleasures others enjoyed, but that I was actually intimidated by. No more! The coffee and undergarments had little to do with self-worth, but I realized that they mattered a little. And it was okay that they mattered. And that I had arrived…
Today, there are still some silly things that make me feel proud, and there are more serious things as well. There are also those other choices, the ones that drag me down and leave me at “war” with myself, that I still struggle with as well…
But, the point is, find those things – big and small – that make you feel happy, proud and at peace with yourself and those around you. And work at those choices you’ve made, or continue to make, that pull you in the opposite direction.
You’ll fail. You’ll succeed. And your worth as a person doesn’t depend on the outcome. It will take time. But go ahead and make a point of it… and you might just be surprised at where you find yourself.
My {becoming} list:
I love healthy, unique food, and being good to my body: (Like many women, I’ve struggled with disordered eating patterns, and with my body image. Unhealthy choices literally made me feel I was battling with my own body – like Lewis’s quote – But, things like reading healthy-living blogs, getting educated about nutrition, finding amazing new recipes and having an awesome husband and family to talk to has totally changed my thinking! I still struggle sometimes… but I have the tools to succeed.)
- I’m an athlete- a runner, a swimmer and a cyclist: (I wasn’t always! It was hard to even don the label. But I admired those that competed… so I decided to join them.)
- I can cook, and I love it: (I was not known for my kitchen ability until after I was married…my siblings are still afraid of my food ; )
My nails look nice, and I can even use my left hand to paint my right: (I used to bite my nails when I was younger… but now I love how nail color just makes an outfit!)
- I have a blog, and a few people actually read (and enjoy) what I write: (I have admired bloggers from afar for a while, and then I decided to take the plunge. I love it. And the simple action of creating posts and taking pictures truly resonates with me.)
- I send cards…mostly on time, and try to complement strangers: (I like thoughtful people and handwritten notes, and when someone in the grocery store says they like your shirt, it makes your day. So, I decided I could do that too.)
- I know Family and relationships are the core of life, and my mom really was right…like, about everything: (I always sort of knew it, but it has really started to sink in. I appreciate the loved ones around me so much, and the connection we share means the world.)
This cycle of learning, growing and changing is a never-ending process. But, I can’t wait to see what my {becoming} list looks like when I’m 75… (maybe I’ll have pie crust down by then : )
What have you worked hard at, accomplished, or started doing recently that is on your list?
Rachael- your blog info just popped up on my newsfeed one day and I read your posts! I love your ideas and opinions on things…but this is by far my favorite!
Hope all is well…keep up the good blog-work! :)
Julie
Julie – Thank you so much! I appreciate the encouragement. This has been more fun than I could have imagined… Hope things are going well for you too. Seems like school is keeping you busy!
Beloved Daughter,
You’ve become such a woman of wisdom, (and so much earlier than myself)! You are such a delight to me. Keep sharing as you keep growing (and surpassing any small gift that I have shared with you). I love how your very presence lights up a room and your interests have blossomed into full blown traits and pastimes have grown into passions….you have much and give much…
This was such a blessing to me today! Thanks for sharing!!!
Carrie – Thank you so much for reading. This topic has been on my heart for a while…I’m so glad it meant something to you as well.
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I just stumbled upon your blog, and I truly love this post. Thanks for the good read!!
So glad you enjoyed it – thanks for stopping by!