Husband

A gentleman’s guide to {Pinterest}

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We all know what a tremendous impact Pinterest has had on our lives.

About 97.8% of cooking, up-dos, organizing, wardrobes, art, cat hair crafts, and hearty laughs are now inspired by a single (genius) website. And, the Husband has something to say about it.

Enjoy.

Rachael asked if I’d like to write another post. It had been a while, and apparently my public had been clamoring for a new masterpiece…

Since I am SO 2012 with this whole social media thing, I posted a note on facebook asking for a little inspiration (and insinuating that my lovely wife would only serve me PB&J for the rest of my life if I didn’t come up with something good). And, that’s how this post of was born.

So here it is: Pintrest…The Husband’s thoughts. Take em or leave em.

I had to do a little recon and hack Rachael’s Pintrest account, because let’s face it, all I know about Pintrest is that women are shocked when they find a woman who is not on it, and that I give my wife weird looks when she laughs out loud, glances up from her iPhone, and simply says: “Pintrest: Humor Category.”

I boiled my extensive research down to three main conclusions.

  • First, the ladies love it.

So, if you’re married, single, or even thinking about talking to a lady friend in the next year or so, you need to be “Pinversant” (aka, conversant in Pinterest...I’ll see if Rachael can pin that.). Now, I’m not saying you need to kill hours giggling over those Ryan Gosling memes, planning your next party outfit or gathering nifty craft ideas that involve pumpkins, tempera paint, salvaged barn wood and wine bottles. I’m just letting you know that if you understand what that important girl means when she talks about “re-Pinning”, “Liking”, “Boards” and “Following”, Ryan’s “Hey Girl” pics will have nothing on you.

  • Second, it’s the sure-fire place to find the perfect gift. 

Is your special someone tough to shop for? Fret no more.  Pintrest will provide you with more gift ideas and creativity than you can handle. All you have to do is look for those pinned items with comments like, “I want this sooooooo bad” or “If only my husband loved me…”. Not only does Pintrest give you gift ideas, but there’s a nice convenient gift section that gives direct links for purchase. Some say the eyes are the window to a woman’s soul, but,  I’m pretty sure it’s actually Pintrest.

  • Lastly, it’s okay for men to pin.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to pin, it just means I can see why women love it and men can get into it. If you want to be a stud, it’s probably not a bad idea to find yourself looking through the Men’s Fashion category. You can see what threads LeBron is rockin’, scout out a new watch, or find some new Nike shoes. The Humor category isn’t too shabby either. And, maybe the recipes and baby animal pictures will catch your fancy too… no judging.

All in all. I’m a believer in this pinning thing. So, if your allotted Facebook and Twitter time can squeeze a couple more hours of mind-numbing (yet, productive! – Rachael edit) social media addiction each week, I say go for it.

Just don’t let the DIY home stuff and weird recipes get too out of hand…

Two words: Vegan. Cheese.

I still haven’t fully recovered.

“Happy Pinning!”

(Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.)

Team {Playas}

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Being a literal “team player” doesn’t really come naturally for me.

I’ve attempted soccer, softball, swim team…

{<–Yes, that’s me. Not my little brother.}

Let’s just say that even with my mom as coach, I scored one goal, I NEVER made a hit at a single at bat all season, and we celebrated when I came in second…to last at a swim meet.

Yeah. I’ll stick to running by myself.

Anyhow, while playing on an actual team isn’t part of my day-to-day routine, being a team player in my marriage is totally vital. Like breathing. like blinking. Like not ruining every weekend with bickering. Like actually speaking to each other during car rides. Like having people over without them opening the door to that awkward “No, we haven’t been having a ‘discussion’, my face is always this red” moment.

Don’t deny it. It happens.

It really wasn’t until after a few months that I realized that I wasn’t necessarily as good as I thought I was at working together with my husband.

It’s WAY easier to say that “it’s just us against the world!” with your significant other, or even your best friend, when things are easy. It’s when the real life happens that you realize where your strengths are (or are not) in the whole “working together” scenario.

Well, after more than 2.5 years of wedded bliss, I’ve learned a thing or two about teamwork. Ladies – take a look. And get real with yourself:

1. You’re not a Team Player if you’ve only got this “teamwork thing” down when you both agree.

I went into marriage pretty dang sure that I was ready to do everything with my husband-to-be: work together, play together, pick out curtains, hang things on the wall (even those that required a level) and defer to him when appropriate.

I was wrong.

I discovered that I’m pretty much a selfish brat any time I know I’m right (which is about 97.9% of the time if you were wondering). It took the poor man, my mother and several innocent bystanders more than a year to (mostly graciously) lead me to understand that I need to just take a step back and “let” him be right, and make the right decisions sometimes. In reality, he IS right a lot. And I’m often…. *cough* wro..ng. It’s better for us. It’s better for our relationship. It’s better for our friends that visit and just want normal conversation.

{That was one heck of a fight! Kidding. Warrior Dash. But happy endings are always a good thing. We always wrap up any conversation on a high note.}

2. Martyrs aren’t Team Players.

One of my lines is “I know I sound irrational and like a jerk right now, but it’s how I FEEL, and I’m mostly mad at myself, and I already know what you’re going to say….blah, blah” (alll while sobbing… usually).

Don’t steal it.

Saying these things doesn’t help the situation. The ice cream brand won’t pick itself (Him: Kroger processed frozen dairy ice food, $.03 Me: Graeter’s elite gold label limited special edition european dark chocolate-packed new rare flavor, $27.99).

Saying these things makes me a victim. Maybe a victim of my own PMS / over-tiredness, but at any rate, it doesn’t give my dear husband a moment to say anything even remotely helpful, rational or true. To make decisions about ice cream, or – more importantly – finances (true underlying issue being discussed) I have to keep things above the belt. Save the martyr stuff for sympathy from a sibling at another time.

JK. Don’t play that card. Ever.

{Don’t ask.}

3. Team Players know “Different isn’t Wrong.”

When we were in premarital counseling, our wise, wise pastor passed on some advice that we’ll never forget: Different isn’t wrong.

When you have different opinions, different morning routines, different family backgrounds, different learning styles and different tastes in snacks: Virtually ALL of the time, different does not = wrong. Different = just plain different.

Accept it! Move on.

4. Team Players drink wine together.

When you work things out productively with your significant other, or your best friend, it is best to do it in a relaxed, easy atmosphere. Our pastor said that you should sit down at a nice dinner, have a glass of wine, and approach sensitive topics when you’re well-rested and in an fun, easy mood.

It can be hard to broach those subjects when you’re happy, but I can tell you that our best conversations, and brightest revelations have happened when we’ve used this approach. Try it!

5. Team players practice.

Even after you’ve been to the mountaintop, it can be easy to forget what you’ve learned. Remember practice makes perfect!

Some of our proudest moments have been when we’ve put what we’ve been working on in our relationship into practice in a real-life setting. We’re entertaining, we’re making travel plans, we’re calculating a shoe budget, we’re visiting family and we’re “playing” together. As a TEAM.

It’s work! But whether it’s your husband, sister, girlfriend or co-worker, it’s worth it.

After all, how can you stay mad at that?:

Awwwww…

What are some life lessons you’ve recently learned? Please share!

The Husband’s {Annual} Dinner

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I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and are gearing up for a fun New Year! We’ve been in three states and will have slept in five houses by the time we head home this weekend…. but boy, I love it :)

Now, back to where I left off: My husband and I have a great relationship, and one of the keys of our happy marriage is that I do the cooking. I love it. He doesn’t. I like trying crazy things. He eats them without complaint (and maybe just one supplemental packet of fruit snacks later in the evening).

Well last year, our friends started getting on him about his lack of cooking prowess. He asserted that he could cook if he wanted, he just didn’t LOVE it.

They said he was full of it.

So, he set out to prove everyone wrong…. and made me one of the most delicious meals I’ve ever eaten (complete with handmade dark chocolate truffles and baked brie en croute.) Where did that come from?! He said it was his way of making up for lost time. And, his reason for making exactly one dinner per year for the foreseeable future. Quality, not quantity.

A year later, and with no dinners prepared in-between, he decided to make this a celebrated annual event. So, on to the computer, and off to the grocery store he went. (And yes, that means he has made dinner for us exactly twice since we were married June of 2009. No, not even mac n’ cheese).

I Christmas shopped, and he cooked (and called when he needed to know why Kosher salt was different from other salt, where the dill was kept, and if you put meat between the halves of the broiler pan or on top of it). Though he has some cooking vocab to master, dinner was totally delightful. And, it included eggplant, Greek yogurt and cauliflower.

Mind. Blown.

Try the recipes he used below (and maybe your man could even take a stab at it! At least once a year…).

You can find them all at FoodNetwork.com!

The Husband’s Second Annual Dinner

Encourage him to give it a try – You won’t be disappointed! Unless you have to clean up after him…

Thought {full}

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Tis the season to be thankful (and/or eat yourself into a food coma). At the FeshlyMinted household, we’ve been talking a lot about turkey, ‘taters, another important “T” word: Thoughtfulness.

In order to be the type of person that someone is thankful for, you’ve got to be thoughtful first. A spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a great boss… It’s those pleasant little moments of grace, or fun, or extravagance, or simplicity that make us so, so glad that they are in our lives.

The Husband has some great insight into how thoughtfulness works in a husband-wife relationship, and (without prompting / nagging / standing in front of the TV and begging / asking in a variety of accents to make him laugh) he jotted down a few ideas to share. Enjoy:

Thought {full}

I’ve realized that, unless I am intentional about going against my nature, every day I go through life zoned-in on me. What can I accomplish, what fires can I put out, and what anxieties and to-do lists will occupy my mind as I let little problems grow into big ones. Naturally, I drift into a life that is me-centered. I put my career first, my hobbies first, my t.v. shows first… Basically, I submit to my own desires and “needs”, and expect others to as well.

I bet you’ve guessed that this lifestyle doesn’t work so well with my wife… or in any relationship, really.

So, I thought I’d put some advice together that has helped me improve in the area of thoughtfulness – Not exactly an attribute that comes naturally, but one that means a lot in our home. Like, get you out of the doghouse, get you a nice dinner, get you a delighted, happy spouse to come home to, type of ‘a lot’…

For the gents out there:

Let me start this out by stating the obvious: Ladies are kind of confusing and unpredictable.

Yet, we like them (love them, adore them, share our lives with them) and they give us the support we need to allow us to be who we are, and who we are supposed to become. So, in their honor, here is some advice:

  •  Thoughtfulness isn’t about doing what’s easy. It’s about doing something out of the ordinary (aka – a surprise). If finances are tight, surprise the lady by spending the money on a dinner and a movie. If finances aren’t tight, don’t just buy a gift because it’s easy and quick, but instead, make something…write a letter…draw a funny picture and put it by the coffee pot. It’s all about extra effort. They’ll notice. Trust me. They notice ev-er-y-thing.
  • Girls want to be planned for and thought about without having to make it obvious. Girls joke about dropping hints, but in reality it’s how men discover ways to “surprise” our wives. It can be a tricky balance (and you might have to be pretty quick on the draw to beat her to that second or third “hint”), but there is no greater joy to my wife than something that is truly unexpected – no matter how small – and there is nothing better than seeing her light up with joy and the pride of being a wife of a thoughtful husband when I really, really hit the nail on the head with a simple note, or a fun date she wasn’t expecting.

{Send her to to Boston to see her best friend, buy matching coffees, mow the lawn, get her that goofy mustache corkscrew she was eying, give her a Snuggie and Food Network magazine for Valentines Day…}

  • It’s a little hard to admit, but really listening and finding out what your wife wants is pretty of important. I’m still working on this piece – all of us guys are. Hints and all, it’s not naturally easy. But it’s our job as a husband to “figure out” our wives and discover what puts a spring in her step. When you continuously pursue and serve your wife, in turn, she will gladly love, respect and serve you also. Think of it as a life-long treasure hunt… it’s fun!

Now, the ladies:

So, lots of women out there might be saying to themselves, “My man doesn’t have a thoughtful bone in his body. I should just quit reading now, and copy and paste the “man” section into an email and send it to him at work.”  Well, just hold the phone, because it might not entirely be your husband’s fault… and sometimes (cough- dear wife – cough) getting an email at work isn’t the best way to communicate.

Hang with me here!

  • Create an environment that makes it easy for us to be thoughtful. You probably know what I mean: Jabs with nasty absolutes like, “You never take me to the movies” . Or, when you’re with friends, you toss out:“The last time you bought me flowers was when my car broke down and you made me walk home in the rain. Haha!” (but no one’s laughing and it’s awkward). News flash: These types of comments make a man never want to never take you to the movies! It makes a man want to buy flowers for you, stomp on them outside the grocery store and walk away! Okay, that’s a bit extreme, but truthfully, the negative assumptions and attitude removes the fun of being thoughtful, and puts a bunch of prideful hurdles in the way of loving acts.  Side note for men: We’ve all been there when our minds says, “She ‘wins’ if I buy her flowers after a comment like that.” As men, we need to overcome the jabs as our wives learn not to throw them.

{Make your home a place he wants to be, don’t ask for a room with a hot tub when he just surprised you with a stay at a resort instead of a Days Inn, let him have his game time – and have fun with unexpected tickets even if you’re just there for the hot dogs, wait until a relaxed and focused moment to talk about your dreams and desires…}

  • Lose your preconceived notions. Right now, you might be a little depressed. I can hear some of your thoughts now: “But my husband probably wouldn’t ever do the dishwasher or take me on a nice date or do anything that requires thought unless I remind him.” Don’t fret ladies; there is a right way to prompt thoughtfulness. It all starts with removing expectations. It’s a step that you just can’t skip, because when a man does put forth the effort to be thoughtful and you expect something else or something better it will kill their motivation to do it again. Just let go, and I promise that you’ll be pleasantly surprised. The next step is…
  • Bring it up at the right time. Finally, it is very important that you don’t mention the things that are special to you right when your man is doing something they are really passionate about or absorbed in. For example: It is not a good time to ask a man to go on a picnic during a football game that he has been looking forward to all weekend. It is a good idea to chat about your dream vacation, future plans or favorite piece of jewelry over dinner. I admit it. We aren’t good multi-taskers. Take this into account… and leave the door open for your husband to get it right.

If you don’t learn to be thoughtful, you will miss opportunities to love.

Thoughtfulness isn’t just for marriage, it’s for everyone. So, call a grandparent, bake brownies for a neighbor, give someone in pain a hug, facebook message someone who affected your life, and just plain seek out opportunities to love. Try to live an entire day by being thoughtful – It’s tough, but it’s worth it. Let us know how it goes!

Honey Mustard {for your Honey}

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The kid to the left doesn’t look like he likes to eat salad. In fact, that kid didn’t like to eat salad until he married me…

No, no… it was ten years later. Geesh.

Anyway, this kid’s favorite salad is my own spin on a classic Honey Mustard Chicken Salad. It’s got all the good stuff: Homemade dressing, grilled chicken, pecans & dried cranberries. So delicious, and so good for you (shhhh…don’t say that too loud).

The secret ingredient: Greek yogurt.

So, make this for your man, or yourself tonight. I figured I can’t be the only one  desperately clinging to the last weak vestige of summer…and maybe you’re craving salad for dinner, too.

Honey Mustard Chicken Salad

Serves 4

The Dressing:

  • 1/2 Cup Greek Yogurt (Yummy protein! Fage is the best.)
  • 2 T Course Ground Mustard (Not that yellow ballpark stuff. I like Grey Poupon -Mostly because I like saying “Poupon” in a British accent).
  • 1 T Honey (My parents have bees, so I was lucky enough to score some of their delicious home-harvested honey)

The Salad:

  • 3-4 Chicken breasts
  • 6 Cups, or a “several handfuls” of Spinach and Baby Greens (Because that’s what I know you’ll do anyway.)
  • Enough Dried Cranberries, Pecans, Red Onion, Tomato, Cucumbers, Parmesan and Feta to make it look pretty and taste good. (I trust you to eyeball it – Add any of your favorite veggies!)

How-to:

    • Mix all dressing ingredients, cover, and set in the fridge. (I really like the bite of the mustard, so you may want to add extra honey if that’s not your thing. Just try a taste, and adjust as needed. The dressing will be thick, not runny.)
    • Grill the chicken  until done (or broil, bake, use leftovers), slice and cover to keep warm.
    • Mix the salad ingredients, top with chicken.
    • Serve in a pretty bowl with the dressing on the side. (Dressing may need to be stirred up after being removed from the fridge.)
    • Enjoy!

This dressing is what makes the salad, and is also big hit on sandwiches, and as a dip, too! Kind of like what you get in at McD’s for your nuggets…but way, way better. You might want to make a double batch…

Healthy {Happy} Husbands

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What you tell someone to do they reject, what you help them discover they own.

I asked the Husband to contribute to this post, and he ran with it. Who knew all those things I hop on my soapbox about really sunk in? He’s got some great insights on what makes a Healthy {Happy} Husband (because who wants to sleep next to a force-fed salad-eating grouch? That’s even worse than the beer & cheese gut).

So listen up ladies, and enjoy!

The Husband’s Insight:

To a guy, presentation is everything, and rules are nothing. A list of rules about what-foods-not-to-touch-with-a-ten-foot-pole, don’t change who we are, they just make us want to throw things. That’s why many wife-enforced “diets” fail. But, if you learn how to effectively present new diet and lifestyle changes to your stud, it can make all the difference.

So, don’t make rules…make changes – slowly but surely- to who you and your family are. Like the quote above, your job is to help him discover healthy eating for himself.

Developing healthy eating habits is all about discovering that eating foods that are great for your body isn’t actually that bad…

{Notice the two appalled little girls in the corner? I think they see their future married lives flashing before their eyes…}

Alrighty, Ladies:

  • Don’t mess with “the favorites”. (ie: Cheesy potatoes/gravy/sausage/nachos/entire pizzas/tacos – All of which make men look forward to coming home to pound* a good meal) …just slowly reduce how often you serve the favorites. (*Note from Rachael: “Pounding” a meal refers to eating a lot, and eating it quickly….Thought this might help everyone who is not up on their Husband-lingo.)
  • Don’t get mad and don’t make eating an argument. Sometimes, a man just needs to eat a sleeve of Oreos.
  • Don’t surprise a man with something he might not like. Instead, present it beforehand as an adventure that you’re trying, and let him know why you think he’ll like it. (it’s a lot like that cheesy chicken dish you love! or, remember that dish we had on our honeymoon?). Help a man discover goodness.
  • Don’t overhaul entire food options. Start slow by mixing in healthy sides and  snacks to your usual menu (Like hummus! Used to hate the idea of it, but now I love it with pita chips, on sandwiches, you name it). Hummus is the new mayonnaise. Believe it!
  • Get to know the healthy stuff that he likes, and keep making it  – but not all the time. Remember, start slow and no “rules”. You’ve got time! Also, you can often find healthier versions of his favorites. Hello, organic fruit snacks.
  • Slowly start buying less and less of the unhealthy snacks and foods. If you’re hungry and you see grapes and nacho cheese,  a guy is gunna choose nacho cheese and eat it till it is no more. But, if you’ve got good stuff stashed everywhere, a man is gunna pick something healthy on his own.
  • Suggest and prepare the healthy options for him, and make it look attractive. The bottom line is that most men will eat what you put in his face. So, cut up and share an apple for a movie snack before he goes for his usual bowl of ice cream.
  • Don’t ask a man what he wants for dinner every night. Because if you do, he will pick “pizza or tacos” like I do. Make a plan and suggest some options. This is not to say you should never ask, because sometimes a guy really is craving something and it will make him happy if you fix it for him. But, most of the time, the fact that we don’t have to worry about it makes us happy… and you can slip in healthy stuff.

When you decide to make a change you have to become the kind of person that doesn’t enjoy the feeling of a food comma. It’s not easy. If it was, fast food chains would fail, diet companies would fade, and wives and girlfriends and daughters wouldn’t be reading this blog post! But, if you lovingly pursue a fun, healthy new lifestyle together, you’ll be more than happy with the results… in your relationship and on the scale.

{A few of “the favorites”. So special when you get to share them…}

I hope you learned a little from the Husband, and even found a few tips you can apply at home. Is there anything that help YOU keep your Man or your family happy and healthy?

Watch for more posts with some of the Husband’s healthy favorites!